Feeling Wonderstruck

There is no Internet connection

You can try to diagnose the problem by taking the following steps:
Go to Start > Control Panel > Network and Internet > Network and Sharing Center > Troubleshoot Problems (at the bottom) > Internet Connections.

Try:

  • Checking the network cable or router
  • Resetting the modem or router
  • Reconnecting to Wi-Fi

Retro sucks: Rackets of a tormented soul

I do not know if I just want to try blogging for a change or tell you how shitty life has been.
Life is cruel. Everyday was duller than my name and drearier than classic movies. I have felt a tremendous amount of anxiety- I do not feel certain what to do. It is plain dumb, insecurity, insignificance and wretchedness.
When my only sister left and got hitched, it was hard to kill the loneliness. I brooded over it. It left me lethargic. Everywhere I looked, everywhere I trudged, there was a memory of her. There was no one to share my hurts, dreams and joys.
Some people just start avoiding or hiding from you like you are some kind of a plague which struck the heck of their lives-very unpredictable. I have had unusual encounters with these people and happened to take notice of them.
I figured I was so lame on the thing they call “courtship” but was truly unaware of it. I learned feelings are not like a faucet which you can turn off when you are done with it. No matter how hard you try to forget them, it does not work out. Time has its’ own way. One time you thought you were in love but then all becomes history and so the cycle goes on. The fire of those feelings keep on burning and burning that you lose control and get confused. It takes over your brain and messes it up.
I found out that you cannot revert to the past when it is too late for the heart/love. When neglected, or left and not nurtured, it just gets sick and dies. You hurt yourself more when you continue to hurt them. You cannot go back to the moments when the love was strong. No one can get things back the way they used to be. Why can’t feelings eventually subside when we are completely convinced of rejection?
Dinah Store was right when she said “Trouble is a part of your life, and if you do not share it, you do not give the person who love you a chance to love you enough.”
That was adolescence. All our puny lives need to pass this stage. These are the digressions I have recorded back in my diary and I understand the reasons now…

Me and My Money

There she goes again. Strutting the latest and take note, the most expensive clothing in the mall today. Later on, she will pretend to in inquire about her balance; a plausible excuse to flash her new Samsung Camera Phone SGH V200C. Everybody thinks she lacks attention but they have to excuse Emma, after all, it is probably the first time her government employed rank-and-file father got a raise (or so we heard). Besides, she is my close friend, I guess…

Like the time when she and I went shopping, Well, actually, she did, I was just “window shopping”. After twenty minutes in the boutique where clothes sell for no less than four digits, Emma plunked down her MasterCard and said, “I will take the Dolce and Gabbana pair plus the stilettos to go with it.”

I was not envious-nope. I was perfectly okay, absolutely fine. So how come, the next day I eventually went into a trance and came out of the mall carrying a new and unaffordable set of Guess? dress? What I am sure though is that I bought it to keep at the same level with my so called friend.

Money does not bring power, freedom, dependency and self-esteem. It also brings responsibility. Nobody wants to be compared with anyone especially with someone who obviously is better off than him or her. We overlook all sorts of essential non-money possessions-health, intelligence, friendships, creativity, gratifying work- that actually increases our ability to make money over the years. It is so easy to confuse things you can buy and cannot.

Friendship stick together in adversity, give more than they expect to receive and incite each other to higher purposes. And while it may be, as C.S. Lewis said, the least biological form of love, it is also one of the most important.

In all of this realization, I figured out that money did not bring Emma and me together. It does not have to tear us apart, either. I understand the simple fact that I am indeed rich – in my skills, talents, beauty and intelligence quotient. Being rich is feeling rich: the confidence that comes fro, knowing you have more than enough-that in itself is priceless.